Song 2 : Jesus’ Roadside Cafe

Posted: January 8, 2011 in Songs

Well then, it’s been a week since my last original recording, and once again, I’ve had computer troubles. Once again, as soon as I finished recording, and went to click “save”, the bloody PC turned off on itself. I’ve been advised by my friend Rob Collins that it’ll be the heatsinks clogged up with dust and other gunk turning off the PC to stop it frying, which as much as it sort of makes sense, surely the process of recording uses more PC processing power than clicking “save”. I really just think the computer hates me. Boohissboo.

Anyway, about the song, it’s called “Jesus’ Roadside Cafe” (pronounced “caff”, not “caff-ay”, because everyone knows that a nice place is a café and a grotty shithole is a cafe. Yeah?

The song takes it’s inspiration from the journey home from Hollesley Ukulele Festival in Suffolk, 2010, in the car with the fantastic Claire “Winger” Deakin, who is one half of Perilous Mojo, with the aforementioned Rob Collins, a ukulele duo from Hebden Bridge. Hooray!. Anyhoo, as we were making our way back t’north, we spotted one of those roadside signs saying something along the lines of “accept Jesus into your lives and be saved” or some other religious “convert convert convert” (to be said like a Dalek) slogan, but right next to it, there was a sign that said “Roadside cafe, next layby”, so the following half an hour was spent talking absolute bollocks about the roadside cafe being ran by Jesus Christ. I said I’d write a song about it, and proving just how lazy and feckless I am, 5 and a half months later, here it is.

“Jesus’ Roadside Cafe” – Ukulele Kris

We were on our way back,
From a camping trip,
And we decided a little snack,
Would really do the trick,
We didn’t know where to go,
Then we saw an almighty glow,
Coming from, Jesus’ roadside cafe.


Jesus has a roadside cafe
On the A1,
But because he’s Jewish,
He won’t serve you sausage or bacon.

Well we looked at the menu,
And decided what we’d have,
I ordered a cup a soup, and a buttered bap,
Well he looked quite dissapointed,
As he told me what he had,
A loaf of bread, and some fish fingers.


Now the fish finger butties, were very tasty,
But then we realised, we were getting thirsty,
So he took some boiling water, and turned it into tea,
And a cup of coffee


As per usual, you can listen to it in the widget on the left hand side (it’s the file marked “Jesus.mp3”) and you can download it from there, too… or if you don’t have flash or something enabled that stops you from seeing the widget, you can visit where it may or may not work for you. Who knows. I’m now going to get away from technology for a while and eat some food! Yay! Pizza! 🙂


Stressed in North West Lancashire

  1. loved the jesuses roadside cafe one haha made me laugh i downloaded it

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s